“I drew a line…” by Toon Tellegen
The setting of boundaries in coaching/client relationships (and for coaches within their own coaching competence and practice) is another theme that has regularly cropped up in supervision sessions. It’s also a common topic that comes up from coachees in a variety of ways in the challenges that they face, be it how they negotiate part-time working patterns, work/life balance or job role scopes and interpersonal interactions.
It was something that I had to grow quite adept with over the years, thanks to my early experience as an Harassment Contact Officer. For that role, in which we acted as a neutral sounding board and signpost to further avenues for people who wanted advice on bullying and harassment issues, you needed to be very clear with contacts about the boundaries of the service that was being provided. The role touched upon the kinds of things that would more typically be covered in counselling, (and indeed the format of the work was essentially the same as the preparatory steps for mediation), but we weren’t trained as counsellors (though we did have regular touching points with the in-house counselling provision to ensure that anonymised themes or issues were brought to the surface if hotspots of behaviours were coming to light). There was also the need to clarify to people who approached us, and to those who were keen to take on the role that HCOs weren’t playing an investigatory role, or able to advocate, and we certainly weren’t in a position to go all vigilante against someone who was accused. A key part of the training was to highlight that you were only getting one side of what happened, and that as such, you were there to ensure that the key parts of the issue/problems were drawn out and clarified. The role was designed to be constructive, but with sufficient safeguards to ensure that when illegal or dangerous behaviours were brought to light that they were also channeled in the right way.
In the majority of cases what had happened was usually the breakdown of communication between people rather than overt behaviours that would typically come to mind when people talk about bullying or harassment. But it was absolutely crucial that those boundaries were clarified at every step of the process, in a clear and authoritative manner.
So it is also with coaching. I’ve talked in the past about the importance and power of contracting, boring though it can sometimes feel. Ensuring that everyone starts off on the same page is really key in avoiding issues further down the line.
I’ve coached people who have previously been working through issues in counselling and who have got back to a neutral place. It’s usually at that point that the counselling wraps up and they’re pointed in our direction to move from that neutral place into a more positive footing (positive psychology being a real bedrock of coaching theory). If that’s the place that a coachee has come from we will discuss right at the outset what kinds of things might surf the boundaries (no need to delve into details, but just clarity on what things might be tripwires or triggering) and how that will be tackled in a coaching setting. I have described this approach as having predefined ‘off-ramps’ and having a flowchart so that everyone knows at the outset “if this happens, then that…” is a great way of settling any nerves, and also uncovering, before any coaching kicks off, if there’s any dealbreakers on either side.
As coaches, it is part of our training to want to help in all the ways we can. It’s also incumbent on us to know where our limits are (in terms of our competence, training and abilities) and also where our personal boundaries are. We’ve all lived lives and there are areas, topics and circumstances in which I know that I cannot be objective and give of my best for a client. With a careful chemistry meeting those kind of issues can be uncovered at the outset (and would typically involve pointing a coachee towards a different coach, or perhaps a different intervention). But, life being life, sometimes these things will crop up unexpectedly, and this is where it’s doubly important to have pre-sifted your experience to know your own boundaries and triggers, and to be able to clearly and kindly draw those boundaries and stick to them.
At the core, the key thing to make this work is context, context, context. I might call this the three contexts…
- Your own context as a coach – we are made of multitudes, and formed from our experiences. They’re all valid too and no-one’s needs trumps anyone else’s. While we’ve contracted and agreed to work with someone, part of that contract (a critical part) should be that either side can bail out at any time, if the need arises. I’ve met a good many coaches who have been drawn into uncomfortable spaces by the gradual erosion of those boundaries. That’s not acceptable and either side can call a halt to a coaching session if they need to.
- The client’s context – an early part of the chemistry session and pre-coaching contracting is to clarify the boundaries of what coaching can cover and what it doesn’t. To explore what kinds of things the client wants to bring into the coaching space, and to check what coaching approach the client is seeking (“Do you want me to coach you in a challenging fashion, or supportive, or a blend of the two”). Checking at the end of each session that this approach is still what they’re after is also a vital part of context to maintain.
- The developing context of the coaching relationship, or the environment that the client is in. Over the course of a typical coaching contract (6-9 months) a lot can change, for the coach, for the client, for the coaching relationship, and for the coaching aims and objectives that you originally discussed and agreed. It’s fine for things to evolve. It’d actually be awful in coaching if things didn’t. But the evolving context is important for the contracting/re-contracting that I mentioned in the earlier blog.
As with most things, it’s not really rocket science, but it does require a hefty dose of self-awareness, and a keen eye for detecting and testing those shifting contexts. Fortunately, coaching training and supervision provides you with the tools for that self-reflection and for navigating those boundaries with a client. Somewhat inevitably, the biggest gains that a person can make are often near those borderlines. Being clear about where they are, allows you to navigate that fertile ground with authority and confidence. So while the setting, maintaining and testing of boundaries might really feel like a chore on occasion, it’s a vital foundation of effective coaching and worth the efforts that it takes.